Jerry is a well-meaning but perpetually unlucky police officer whose life is in free fall. Recently divorced (but still clinging to hope), he’s desperate to prove he’s a responsible father and redeem himself in his ex-wife’s eyes. Unfortunately, he’s also anxious, overly self-conscious, and prone to spiralling when things go wrong, which they always do. He’s the type of guy who wants to be taken seriously but somehow always looks like he’s about to get caught doing something embarrassing. He overthinks everything, constantly second-guesses himself, and tries to avoid confrontation, except when his pride takes over, making everything worse. At his core, Jerry just wants to be seen as competent and put-together, even though he’s neither.

Tate is practical, sharp-witted, and always in control, or at least she wants people to think she is. She has spent years putting up with Jerry’s mishaps, and now that they’re separated, she’s ready to move on with someone stable. She’s organized, independent, and tired of cleaning up after other people’s messes. Despite her tough exterior, Tate isn’t heartless, she just has no patience for nonsense (which makes Jerry’s presence at her party even more unbearable). While she may still care about him deep down, she’s convinced that letting him back into her life would be a huge mistake.

Craig is a bitter, no-nonsense, perpetually unimpressed old man who never liked Jerry to begin with. A retired warehouse worker, Craig has zero patience for weakness, incompetence, or stupidity. He loves to criticize Jerry and takes every opportunity to remind him of his failures. Despite being tough and grumpy, Craig has a weirdly open-minded side, especially when it comes to his wife’s choices, which ends up being one of the most horrifying revelations of the night.

Richard is everything Jerry isn’t: put-together, successful, and painfully smug about it. He’s calm, collected, and annoyingly good at everything, but underneath his polished exterior he’s a little too eager to prove himself. Richard enjoys subtly putting Jerry down, acting polite on the surface but constantly making little digs. He presents himself as the perfect alternative to Jerry: stable, responsible, and everything Tate wants in a partner.

Jerry’s daughters are sweet, innocent, and full of holiday excitement. They adore their dad and just want him to have fun with them. But thanks to Jerry’s unintentional LSD trip, they appear to him as full-grown, bearded men, turning every interaction into a nightmare.

BABY's stepmother, a woman struggling on her own with the responsibilities of raising a child she did not want. Emotionally detached, with deep-seated insecurities about aging, she is overly concerned with appearances and her own misfortunes, and frequently belittles BABY.

A well-meaning, but somewhat awkward, guidance counsellor at BABY’s school. He shows concern for BABY's academic performance and well-being, however his attempts to address BABY’s struggles are limited by his lack of deeper understanding and connection with her.

A tough and rebellious teen with a rough exterior and reputation as a bully, TIMMY shows moments of surprising kindness, particularly in defending BABY from her bullies.

A health teacher who uses exaggerated, fear-based tactics to educate students about the risks of sexual activity. Blunt and somewhat ineffective in truly connecting with the students.

Please do not resubmit if you have already auditioned for this role. A heavily pregnant teenager with a rebellious and outspoken attitude, quick to express her frustration with the bureaucratic system that fails to support her. Despite her tough exterior, she reveals vulnerability through her struggles with dependency on her boyfriend and navigating the difficult path of young motherhood.

A grieving mother/grandmother who shows compassion and empathy towards BABY, forming a quiet bond with her at the cemetery over their shared losses.

Perceives himself as a kind, warm, modern christian, pizza-making dad with a strict and religious side who disapproves of BABY’s influence on his daughter, MAUREEN, and ultimately forbids them from spending time together.

A slightly sleazy, self-assured man who briefly dates MOMMY LU and has an unsettling, lecherous interaction with BABY.

BABY's deceased father, who appears in her dream sequences as a comforting yet somewhat distant figure. Loving and gentle.

Please do not resubmit if you have already auditioned for this role. A brash and intimidating school bully who enjoys tormenting other students, frequently using fear and cruelty to assert her dominance over her peers.

A sad and withdrawn woman who spends her days in a shabby living room, emotionally distant from her son, MARK, and largely uninterested in his life or visitors.

Please do not resubmit if you have already auditioned for this role. A sweet and naive friend of BABY who is often subjected to bullying, yet she remains gentle and loyal, despite her vulnerabilities.

A no-nonsense, gruff figure working at a bar who blocks Baby’s attempt to enter, treating her with dismissive skepticism when she tries to talk her way in.

A detached and bureaucratic figure, strictly following regulations while showing little empathy for BABY's situation, leaving her feeling dismissed and unsupported.

A gruff, disapproving figure who works a manual labor job, often showing hostility toward his son, MARK, and BABY, particularly when he discovers their inappropriate relationship.